Friday, April 21, 2006


Under Presure

badeee ba de'

sorry I just had the David Bowie/Queen song stuck in my head.

But the true reason that I am writing this is so that I get over my fear of it. I mean I feel so much presure to be funny on here. what if it's not funny? what if it sucks? what if somehow somewhere a duck is watching us? So I decided that I should just write in it. I mean it's not like everyone will hate me if I all the sudden stop being good at this. In fact there was no reason for anyone to believe that this would be good in the first place. It's really all the fault of the comment that said that we are really funny and that we should keep it up. So "ANGRY FIST SHAKEN IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION". But I can't blame it on that person. I mean I want to but it isn't fair. that person was just trying to be nice. This goes to the deeper root of my perfectionism. I can't even remember all of the journals that I have almost started and then chickened out because I couldn't bear to make the leap of faith of actually smudging the page with ink. I mean the book looked so perfect there without any mess and no marks in it. and so then I just had to write in it like this to get over that. and so I did a free form write like I am doing right now, which translates into I am not rereading anything that I write I am just trying to get it all Out on paper or the web and not edit. so if this is not that funny see above statement blaming the annonymous comment. have you ever done this type of thing? just write and don't stop or edit yourself and see what comes out? just keep writing as fast as you can spell and write it down or type in this case. And I am having a really hard time doing it because I hear Llewellyn Vaughn Lee speaking next to me. well he isn't next to me he is actually speaking from the computer next to me but it was the video that we shot in San Francisco last year. God bless america. and all that jazz.

Well now I have written in this and it is tainted with my flaws. hahahahaha....

lets see if people read it still.

Hey by the way...

What the hell is wronge with me?

I know that they say that eventually we turn into our parents, but what the fuck? I mean last night I went to bed at about 9:30 and then finally fell asleep by about 10pm. then woke up at about 3:30 am. What is that? I couldn't get back to sleep. It was impossible. I did my best. I tried everything like a movie, a TV show, masterbation, reading my crazy new vampire novel (oh yeah... this is my second vampire novel... how many can you read before you officially have to change your name to something silly like Rafe, or Spike, or Ghost, and start wearing trenchcoats? and do I get extra normal points if you know that they were gay vampire novels and I promptly wore a pastel blue shirt the next day?... I digress)

So I think that I am turning into my mother. she can go to bed at midnight and then wake up at three and work a 12 hour day. she is crazy. maybe I am getting crazier.

I mean I know that I am alittle crazy. I am at omega. I mean speaking of jobs, I live at my job where it is comonly believed that everyone who lives there or comes to Omega is a high functioning Retard or Lunatic. You tell me...

Are the voices in my head bothering you?

Well so there you go. I finally wrote in this. so now it's your turn to comment and Brandons to write.

I am sorry that I pressured you, but you are a great guy and I don't care if it's funny or serious, it's just interesting to read. so type whatever you want and i will not judge.
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